I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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