i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
