We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
