Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
