I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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