They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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