probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize