you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
