I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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