My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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