Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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