I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
