you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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