I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
