I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
