that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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