Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
