just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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