just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
