1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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