don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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