She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
