Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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