No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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