I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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