i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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