i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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