If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
