I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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