You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
