Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
