don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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