Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
