it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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