I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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