New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just want to make out with him forever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
