So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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