I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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