I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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