gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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