Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
