It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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