you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
