She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
