If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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