yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We need to get me chipped asap
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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