Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
