She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
