i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
His nipple licking is glorious
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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