Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
