Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
