and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
