Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
