Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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