Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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