How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
