Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
