Non-Jews are for practice
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
