so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
